There is no hiding
The devil came and asked young Werther
We had a child
That died
But that was so long ago
It now feels like
We had a life
That will never exist.
“Why don’t we have another baby?”
“Because you are so upset.”
“I think I am ready.”
“But you will always have lost a child
Forever
And the personality,
Our hope for this child,
Will be always
An imagination.”
I remember whenThere are so many beautiful faces
And when I betray those faces
I can only laugh
Because otherwise
I should be beaten
To a pulp
Or defend myself
To the death.
Who do you live with?
Myself.
I live in that place
Where they come from
And I can tell you
No one is there
And they don’t care about
You.
I’m so scared
Of being lost again.
Getting in to that place
Where I am barely alive
And everything is nothing
and I am dying alone.
Cuddling myself,
watching TV at 2am
thinking they hate me
Because I hate them.
When she comes to my door
I feel love
But it’s just a person who cares about me
Only a little bit
And that is enough
To send me crying
For the rest of the day.
I want this person to come
But I means I have to go away
For a long time
So the things that happen
Keep me going
For another five years.
This is what happens
When you let the devil
Pretend that god’s gifts
Were from him.
When you are alone
You remember
That nothing has changed.
The trick in dying
is to not tell anyone
because they’ll cry
or try to save you.
Be quiet!
Let your body fall
apart. You can sway
and listen to the other humans
talk about magnesium
and spirulina and honey
and fifty things they do
to try and be alive.
But they aren’t alive
they are just living
and filling themselves up.
I saw a class of dancers
and how lovely they are
trying to be good at something.
I stood watching, watching them
try to be good
try to get better at something.
We have a new life
where we can participate
for no other reason than to participate.
There is nothing else in it
but a sense of achievement.
That’s what we can provide you now:
a sense of achievement.
I loved them all because they wanted
to be good at it
but what I really knew was
they wanted a story to tell.
They wanted to say
I Was There
I Did That
“oh my god I am so busy”
“I am trying to be this thing
that already exists
but I can be good at it
after a while”.
There was something wrong with me
then
because it was almost a Romanesque utopia
but I saw how now
it’s television.