The Urn

Last modified on 2012-02-21 11:55:38 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

Inside the urn
There is a space left
For us: the dying memories.
The things left are thick and hard
In amongst the packed in ash
Of our dead loved one.
Just a small pocket
The last breathe
For you to feel
Inadequate
Scared
Alone
Lost
Or
much worse things
make the sturdy base of it.

Count Gesualdo

Last modified on 2012-02-18 13:11:18 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

Count Gesualdo
Filled with rage
Had his men kill
His wife
While she fucked her lover
Who, dressed in women clothes
Begged them
Not to kill him
After her.
They stabbed him in the body and head.
The count went back into the room
Saying “they are not yet dead!”
And stabbed them over and over
And half cut off his wife’s head.
It is hard to cut off a head.
Your wife’s head is harder.
Her face, her body.
Then he went back to his castle
And wrote
Magic.

The spine dies, as love

Last modified on 2012-02-18 13:37:57 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

The dreaded death
In your lung breath
In you heart reach
In your soul stench
Tastes like vomit
When you take her hand in yours
Her small hand
Her little loving hand
That has done nothing to you yet
But has held cocks before
Hasn't it?
It has held a large hard cock
So it's hard to love those little fingers
In the same way you'd love
Fresh cooked food.

I feel sick
As the seed
Grows beyond me
Growing even now
Wrapping it does
Feeding on my hope
And smiling
So badly
As it grows.
It kills the spine.
It kills the soul that thinks the spine is important.

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The Rabbit

Last modified on 2011-12-06 11:54:59 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

The dread from inside
Keeps coming out
To remind you
That the beautiful love you feel
Can not last.
The head will be cut off,
The rabbit will run
Half headless
Into the darkness under the ferns
To die there alone
Panicked and starving.
But that little rabbit
Held trembling
Alive
Kisses your fingers and looks at you
So honestly
Because it needs you
And you can feel its small body
Breathing and shivering
And settling down in your lap
It forgets that there is a world
Away from your lap
That wants to eat it
And boil it
Or put it in an oven
Because its better that way.
That's how you eat a rabbit.
Didn’t you know?

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Exit

Last modified on 2011-09-04 14:38:06 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

There is no emperor
There is no lord
You get to die
All alone
and you can’t even choose
Who surrounds you
At the last
When you most want
To say the truth.
Look at them!
I wish I could have…
Leave me alone!
I love you
My darling
I didn’t know
I didn’t know
The dark birds
Can you see them
Oh god my life
I didn’t know
You could do that
I knew that it was
Something is wrong
I don’t want to go
It’s so stupid
I

Nothing left

Last modified on 2011-09-04 13:35:23 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

There is no hiding
Anymore
There is nothing that you can do
Anymore
Because I know
That what was inside is dead
and with nothing left
your struggle
your face
your tears
your body
are all there is.
I get the aftermath in my arms
An abortion
A thing that was meant to live.

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Princess and the Pea

Last modified on 2011-08-25 14:12:19 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

There is no end

Last modified on 2011-08-25 12:45:18 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

There is no end
Would you feel better if there was?
There is an end to this
She told you so
I will be alone
What did you expect?
Sitting in a room
It won’t last
Until I have to leave
Simple, nothing lasts
To get food
You are not happy
Something to drink
Easy, really, forget it
And just, just watch TV
You’re only forty
And finish my wine, pour more wine
And just go to sleep like that
Watch TV, smoke a cigarette
There is always a new day
People have make up on
Too many people
They look beautiful and happy
Looking busy and relaxed
And I can watch them on TV
Moving, doing things
They are probably dead now
And I watch them
Those actors, all dead.

The Sorrows of Young Werther

Last modified on 2012-02-01 05:56:48 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

The devil came and asked young Werther
Whether he would like for her to love him so
And young Werther said
“This is what I want most in the world”
And the devil told him
“But you know it won’t be real?”
And Werther said
“I don’t care”.
So they made a bargain
But, there was no bargain
Mephisto already knew their fate
But wanted to plant that seed
In young Werther’s mind
That would kill
The real love he had for Charlotte.
Because Charlotte was betrothed to Albert
Yet Werther knew she loved him
It was too much to bear
So he shot himself with a pistol
And it took twelve hours to die.
Mephistopheles saved the boy
From learning the truth
That Lotte loved Albert
And he was a poor fool always.

We had a child

Last modified on 2011-07-07 04:55:31 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

We had a child
That died
But that was so long ago
It now feels like
We had a life
That will never exist.
“Why don’t we have another baby?”
“Because you are so upset.”
“I think I am ready.”
“But you will always have lost a child
Forever
And the personality,
Our hope for this child,
Will be always
An imagination.”

It’s the same again

Last modified on 2011-06-15 01:36:17 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

I remember when
I wrote poems
Every night
Because I hated my life
Now I sit and write
Them again.

There are so many beautiful faces
And when I betray those faces
I can only laugh
Because otherwise
I should be beaten
To a pulp
Or defend myself
To the death.

Who do you live with?
Myself.

In dreams I talk to you

Last modified on 2011-06-13 13:37:42 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

Run around little dollies
I have no story to give.
Your face is enough for me
And the things you say
And think
Are so wonderful
Like cards
Like pictures
And your dreams
Come from somewhere.

I live in that place
Where they come from
And I can tell you
No one is there
And they don’t care about
You.
 

A Gift

Last modified on 2011-05-15 15:19:29 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

I’m so scared
Of being lost again.
Getting in to that place
Where I am barely alive
And everything is nothing
and I am dying alone.
Cuddling myself,
watching TV at 2am
thinking they hate me
Because I hate them.
When she comes to my door
I feel love
But it’s just a person who cares about me
Only a little bit
And that is enough
To send me crying
For the rest of the day.
I want this person to come
But I means I have to go away
For a long time
So the things that happen
Keep me going
For another five years.
This is what happens
When you let the devil
Pretend that god’s gifts
Were from him.

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Nothing has changed

Last modified on 2011-03-30 13:08:46 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

A dead tusk of a love
When you touch it
you feel just meat
from their beautiful body.
So crying isn’t it.
Music with a face.
Eyes without words.
These things come
And happen
And you realise
You are just speaking
And looking
Like you always were.
It’s a new thing
You aren’t scared of.

When you are alone
You remember
That nothing has changed.

Disney bastard

Last modified on 2011-01-26 22:23:52 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

What happened?
I died.
I let it go.
I let imagination go.
I let living go.
I thought that hating
and feeling sick
and slow death
was something.
But inside that sick stomach
Was a creature
Curled up
Unfed like a gross baby
Ugly now
With eyes that said
I am a Disney bastard:
Too cute to live.

Every thing

Last modified on 2011-01-22 01:25:50 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

Everything
As in every little thing
Is simple.
You perform it.
For yourself
For the others.
To love yourself
To cherish yourself,
To make everything you do
Loving
And giving.
We give it
To strangers.
But if we could learn
To love our self!
But it takes the hardest will
To do it.

The trick in dying

Last modified on 2011-01-10 22:27:42 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

The trick in dying
is to not tell anyone
because they’ll cry
or try to save you.
Be quiet!
Let your body fall
apart. You can sway
and listen to the other humans
talk about magnesium
and spirulina and honey
and fifty things they do
to try and be alive.
But they aren’t alive
they are just living
and filling themselves up.
I saw a class of dancers
and how lovely they are
trying to be good at something.
I stood watching, watching them
try to be good
try to get better at something.
We have a new life
where we can participate
for no other reason than to participate.
There is nothing else in it
but a sense of achievement.
That’s what we can provide you now:
a sense of achievement.
I loved them all because they wanted
to be good at it
but what I really knew was
they wanted a story to tell.
They wanted to say
I Was There
I Did That
“oh my god I am so busy”
“I am trying to be this thing
that already exists
but I can be good at it
after a while”.
There was something wrong with me
then
because it was almost a Romanesque utopia
but I saw how now
it’s television.

A new beast

Last modified on 2010-10-31 10:53:35 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

Even without that sick feeling
Now the animal is sleeping
And I like it.
Like the devil hates being the devil.
But its waiting
That disgusting thing
That destroys and kills
And doing that smile
Where the nicest things
Are part of the plan.
I want to and cry properly.

Breathing like it’s water.
Everything else is hot and thick.
Would you leave me darling?
I talk to your god and devil
They say ‘doubt’
They say ‘love’
But the ways they say it…

I am just in your arms
and I am in your arms
and I think it now
tears, and I want to come there again
but you said
it’s too much,
too much love.

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I don’t accept…

Last modified on 2010-06-10 22:40:05 GMT. 0 comments. Top.

I don’t accept:
Pretend happiness is so much better
Than real happiness.
It lasts longer!
A fake moment
Is so fun.
Remember?
That time when there were two glasses of wine left.
When you had sex when you thought you wouldn’t.
Smoking a long cigarette in the rain, under a thick tree.
When you were special,
Or when you realised you aren’t special.
Something to live for.
Some things to want.
That is all it is.
Stop that thinking where you are dead already.
Posthumous romantic!
We went too far together
And then the words out of our mouths were full of meaning
That we then argued about
With dissection
And other horrid tools.